I have this couple, husband and wife, who are my friends. Not close friends, just friends.

I accidentally discovered that the husband is spying on his wife by monitoring her activity on the Internet. When I questioned him, he confessed and asked me not to tell anything to his wife about it. Thinking about it, I am leaning toward "it's not my business", but I have this funny feeling....

What would you do?

It is not your business.

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nothing of course.  Can't believe you actually considered it.

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"Я это понимаю на рациональном уровне, но не могу принять на эмоциональном" --Бизнесмен Борис Березовский

Egor:

nothing of course.  Can't believe you actually considered it.

Under any circumstances if they are not life or health threatening?

I don't know, I am not thinking in a big picture sense, just the situation you described. I guess if he was secretly feeding her polonium, it would be different.  All of this is "IMHO", of course, but I look at it like this - a woman has to know her value, she has to know who she places her trust in, and the consequences of it are between them.  SHe may even be ok with it, there are all kinds of people out there.  Some people are ok with the patriot act

I just realized, I would also make an exception if she is my relative/close friend.

Maybe i just have no principles, everything is a case by case. 

But w the situation as you described, I wouldn't touch w a 10ft pole.

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"Я это понимаю на рациональном уровне, но не могу принять на эмоциональном" --Бизнесмен Борис Березовский

Tell her, especially since you are having a "funny feeling" about the situation.  The husband has crossed one boundary by spying on her.  Since he has already crossed one (her privacy), who can predict if he will cross more of them if he decides he doesn't approve of her internet activity. 

Be prepared not to have these people as even casual friends anymore, though... kill the messenger syndrome.  Nevertheless, she needs to know.

The reason I asked the husband about it was because I happen to know that his wife is very strongly against such things and I knew he was aware of this.

And, Egor, that exactly why I have "this feeling" - because I thought to myself: "What if it was my sister?"

 

 

Leah:

Be prepared not to have these people as even casual friends anymore, though... kill the messenger syndrome.

Definitely, no matter which way I decide.

  In Reply to:    "Under any circumstances if they are not life or health threatening?"

 

 After you tell her, it could become a "life or health threatening" situation in their relationship (imho). 

 Not suggesting or advising what you need to do, you're the only one who knows the situation best, just think it through first.

 

 

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*Good*Boy*

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just remember.. before you insult someone.. walk a mile in their shoes.. that way you're a mile away.. and you have their shoes
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Life is full of morons who have nothing else to do but meddle in other people's business.

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"Some say the Muses are nine: how careless! Look, there's Sappho too, from Lesbos, the tenth." Plato

i counted about 378 reasons and scenarios why you should not tell the wife (by the way, i couldn't find a single reason why you should - maybe because i can't stand snitches?)

anyway, here's scenario #164:

 the hubby is an FBI agent, the wife is a terrorist, plotting to blow up something. you tell the wife, you helped terrorists, goodbye freedom.

....and w/out muidugi, this site will never be the same:-(

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pomidorchik:

i counted about 378 reasons and scenarios why you should not tell the wife (by the way, i couldn't find a single reason why you should - maybe because i can't stand snitches?)

anyway, here's scenario #164:

 the hubby is an FBI agent, the wife is a terrorist, plotting to blow up something. you tell the wife, you helped terrorists, goodbye freedom.

....and w/out muidugi, this site will never be the same:-(

You think warning someone of a gross violation is snitching?  I would want to be told.

Sappho:

Life is full of morons who have nothing else to do but meddle in other people's business.

Possibly.  It is fortuntate that the contentious, condescending and constantly negative ones are slightly more rare.

have no prob with husband spying or the other way around....  could be even fun ...

and definitely not anyone's else's business.

p.s.

and no, me not spying on mine and mine not spying on me ;) 

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- Независимость - это когда в 20-й раз наступаешь на одни и те же грабли, а русские уже ни при чем....

Leah:

Sappho:

Life is full of morons who have nothing else to do but meddle in other people's business.

Possibly.  It is fortuntate that the contentious, condescending and constantly negative ones are slightly more rare.

Thank you, Leah!