It's hard to make summary statements when men and women develop sexually and emotionally on different time curves. 

Women can generally have just about any guy they want at any time - but they tend to want THE guy that other women want, and THAT guy is smart enough to take all he can get.

Men are always chasing and getting whatever girl they can get.  And unless she is a real catch, then yeah, on to the next girl.

I think patience is a virtue for both sexes - just go with the flow, and when you can't live without somebody (based on real emotions; not 20-something crushes) then it's worth investing in the long run.  Committment is way over-rated in my book.  I think the younger generation is less and less interested in traditional relationships.  Good for them.  Life is too short to be bored or miserable.

Sadly, most people will eventually let you down.  You gotta look out for #1 first.  The more you invest in somebody, the worse the fall.

 

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"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable."

I want to understand the psychology of men and the reason of my failures...

guys, i didnt have sex with him on the third date, what are u talking about? :-D on the third date we only kissed... well we even slept on the same bed for 4 days without having anything. i wasnt an easy bait for him. what impressed me was that he came to london just to see me twice.. well u know its all complicated as usual. i honestly didnt want anything to happen, because for some reason i knew it wouldnt work and my gut feelings told me to stop everything right there. but i couldnt help it. anyway now all i want from him is to want me back. and i want him even to want to come and see me again. it'd be a challenge for me to achieve. i knw its a waste of time..but it will give me the relief. i do not want to harm him, or to hurt him tho. also i would never be able to go out with his friend etc. this is not me, its not my personality. and i will not make myself do such miserable things just to revenge....so guys if you could recommend something more mature and practical, i would be very grateful. ill tell u all my plan later on

James Bond:

I recommend therapy for the poor girl.  If she is this bad off at 19, she will be institutionalized by the time she is 40.

Sweetheart, to answer your question about what's going on in the mind of young men - it's all about penetration.  He being the 'penetrator' and you being the 'penetratee'.

Right about the time he has added your name to his mental chalk board of conquests (but shortly after that 'new shine' has worn off the sex), you are starting to wonder if he might be the one.  The man who will love you for who you are.  The man that will commit to you.  The problem with this thinking is that you are assuming he has developed an emotional side at that young age.  The cold hard truth is he sees you as a physical need.  A sexy body.  He could really care less about what's going on in that estrogen-soaked brain of yours.  His testosterone is in overdrive, and any talk that might prevent him from spreading the seed to new conquests is unwelcome.

Now, as men get older we do develop feelings, emotions, and the ability to commit to a woman and love her forever.  The down side is that we also become really good at lying to make you think you might be the one, when really, we have started on our third chalk board of conquests. 

I guess my only advice to you, since you are the sensitive type, is to not sleep with men until you really truly believe you do understand what is going on in their heads.  Try asking lots of questions before you have sex with somebody.  That means going on more than 3 dates before you sleep with them.  That will weed out the guys that just want you for sex.

 

i have been said that so many times. and i always wondered, are all men indeed so "testestorone-minded"?

Niks:

i have been said that so many times. and i always wondered, are all men indeed so "testestorone-minded"?

I think all are. But some also use their other brain.

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Niks why are you expecting a logical explanation?  By definition relationship stuff (during that age specifically) is more emotion and irrational behavior than logic and rules of cause and consequence.  Even aged people do stupid things they can't explain or for reasons that make no sense to anyone but themselves.  For God's sake, the 23-year old guy has no clue what he wants, today it's you, tomorrow something else that moves and breathes :)  You can't get into his head and what he is thinking about, he doesn't know that himself, why the hell are you relying on a solid ground of a clear reason - there just may not be any.  Don't look for the all-encompassing and logical answers where they just don't exist. 

A practical advice would be for you to study hard (if you do), work hard, start building a career, have fun and sex occasionally, be social and make yourself friends with the similar interests and things will work out by themselves.  Forget that dumbass, don't waste time - and love yourself first ;))

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_Sergey_:

Niks:

i have been said that so many times. and i always wondered, are all men indeed so "testestorone-minded"?

I think all are. But some also use their other brain.

 Sergey,

 I'd like to have a list of men who also use their other brain if you happen to know any.  Please narrow it down to those between 30-45... sometimes I like them young.  ;)

Leah:

 Sergey,

 I'd like to have a list of men who also use their other brain if you happen to know any.  Please narrow it down to those between 30-45... sometimes I like them young.  ;)

They all happen to be married :)

There are two categories of guys and they all come to the same conclusion at the end but use different paths. First category experiment a lot while they are young (good looking exterior). Second category arrive at the conclusion analytically (due to other than good exterior qualities). But all eventually agree that having regular sex with one good partner is better than having sporadic sex with different partners of questionable quality. While first category invested in variety (short term) another invested early and long term :)

Well, there is third category (not good looking and dumb) but they are sitting at bars and swearing right now :)

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Alex:

Niks why are you expecting a logical explanation?  By definition relationship stuff (during that age specifically) is more emotion and irrational behavior than logic and rules of cause and consequence.  Even aged people do stupid things they can't explain or for reasons that make no sense to anyone but themselves.  For God's sake, the 23-year old guy has no clue what he wants, today it's you, tomorrow something else that moves and breathes :)  You can't get into his head and what he is thinking about, he doesn't know that himself, why the hell are you relying on a solid ground of a clear reason - there just may not be any.  Don't look for the all-encompassing and logical answers where they just don't exist. 

A practical advice would be for you to study hard (if you do), work hard, start building a career, have fun and sex occasionally, be social and make yourself friends with the similar interests and things will work out by themselves.  Forget that dumbass, don't waste time - and love yourself first ;))

Wow, Alex.  Seriously, that is really good advice.  Your daughter (I think you have a daughter) is a lucky girl... she'll get great guidance on these matters from her father someday.  :)

_Sergey_:

Leah:

 Sergey,

 I'd like to have a list of men who also use their other brain if you happen to know any.  Please narrow it down to those between 30-45... sometimes I like them young.  ;)

They all happen to be married :)

All of them?  Every single one?  What am I supposed to do now?  Start dating women?

Leah:

All of them?  Every single one?  What am I supposed to do now?  Start dating women?

Now that you made me picture this... LOL

Dating women is very hard work. I would not recommend it to anyone if they happen to have a choice. Just imagining what it takes to make woman happy gives me a head ache! ;-)

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Leah:

Wow, Alex.  Seriously, that is really good advice.  Your daughter (I think you have a daughter) is a lucky girl... she'll get great guidance on these matters from her father someday.  :)

Leah, I'll try to make sure my baby girl doesn't get hurt like that (I'll just break the punk's neck myself, easy :))), and my son never hurts a girl, but, you know, we can hope all we want and raise kids.. and they will become who they will become.  At the end of the day, you can rely just on yourself and your own judgement.  And, truth is, over time you realize more and more how really unimportant is what others do or think or how they project their internal state of mind and how they feel, too (however cynical that sounds) :)  After all, everyone is just a person with their own opinions, fears, affiliations and beliefs, and they will be just that :)  You can't explain much of that, and that's frankly just irrelevant, and explaining and trying to make sense of that is a waste of time.  You have to just accept that and move on with your own plans :)  It's much better to maintain your own strong and educated belief and opinion system, with systematic revisions and updates so it's not static and outdated, and not be afraid to defend and project that with persistence and focus, even if that borders with perceived arrogance.  Let others waste time figuring out whatever it is you are thinking and why :)    

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you guys do indeed give intereting advices, even though i realise them, i can not take them as easily as u do. for me one thing matters about all this story: i cant forget it unless i teach him at least some lesson. this is my personality, this has always been like this. its very terrible, i know, but i can not take when something like this happens.... and i know the only way out for me, as i told u, to make him want me. Of-course i will say no to it, but this will help me to let go of all this stupid mess and carry all with my life without any ego issues...

Now considering that he is far away and i can not really meet him, the only thing which comes to my mind as a plan, is just to chat with him nicely and seduce him and with some other techniques make him desire me again. I NEED IT, i am not doing it bcs i want him! it sound very selfish, but i need it.

It has been a very good advice to consenstrate on my studies and work, I am indeed planning to do it. Moreover, ive decided to devote myself to finance fot at least 1.5yrs of my life. I will be strongly rejecting any possibilities of having any relationships...but for now..i can not take what has happened. there are things my pride will not let me get over without taking any actions... even if its all waste of time, even though ill fail, at least I will try. And i will have no relief in my heart until i dont. 

DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND ME?  

Niks get into LBS or LSE, then to the City - investment banking, I have a couple of friends at Goldman and Barclays there, very nice jobs.  These years, Niks, are make it or break it for you in terms of your future life.  Remember, as time goes on the variety of choices you can make reduces, so make them early and pursue them in a focused manner - do NOT waste this precious time on futile pursuits :)  Leave this guy alone, think about yourself.  

 

And no, don't "reject relationships", why?  They can lead you to good things, you never know, so don't be that radical, there is not only black-and-white in life :)  Be free, be positive, be determined, have relationships, but don't let them overwhelm you, and get a guy with a purpose in life and something deeper than looks and stupid promises - pursue quality :)

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I am actually planning to study at LSE next year.... my biggest dream. at the moment im doing an mba in finance.

Thank you, Alex.